so that wasnt chicken after all
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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