What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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