we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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