true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
