I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
