dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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