in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
