took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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