WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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