They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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