You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
