Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Randomize