at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
