I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
