Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize