He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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