Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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