he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
