She is in my trunk
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Im part way to drunk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize