My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
