I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
