Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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