batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
