I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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