Farmville is her only friend.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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