just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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