margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
