Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
