my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize