And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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