remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
