I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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