It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
