he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I deserve this hangover.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
