It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
