So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
