Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
