We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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