remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
