I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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