Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Enjoy the penises
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize