I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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