she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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