and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
