need another drink. this is the easiest way
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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