Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
