I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
