so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
