lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
