she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
