I feel great
I just peed on a car
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
