Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
