I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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