tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we're making bets on your personal life
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
