Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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