I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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