I love black thongs
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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