btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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