dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
