Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
well I can't set my house on fire every night
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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