Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
