Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
