Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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