Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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