So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
