omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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