Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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