did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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