I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
