I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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