Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
