Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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