note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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