Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
