I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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