Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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