eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm getting married
To pizza
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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