She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Houston, we have a squirter
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
