Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize