I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
