Dual....:-)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
