Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
