I look better un-naked...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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