i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
