you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
