How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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