The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
