Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize