Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
