Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
