I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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