I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
