I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
