But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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