Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
