I skipped work to stalk him.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
