I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
