We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
