I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
