Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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